Give Em' The Money

[the fisherman]

''LIVE FROM DETROIT'.........."Before we begin, I'd like to apologize to the commitee for the fact that we arrived here in Washington so late. As many of you know, instead of flying, the three of us decided to drive here from Detroit. But, we had car trouble. I was going to drive my 2009 Cadillac XLRV, a model we at GM are very proud of, but everytime I went to start it up, I just got a powerful shock and the upholstrey would catch fire. Bob here, wanted to come in his new Chrysler 300, but the brakes, steering, and engine all went out. Also, I believe the windshield came off? " So we all piled into Alan's brand new Ford Fiesta, which worked out pretty well, except that when you turned on the lights, the heater and car alarm would come on. Plus the GPS system wasn't working too well, and we were just outside of St.Louis when we figured that out. But long story short, we found a RadioShack, got a new GPS, and here we are...........from SNL

 

[Mark W. Ingalls]

Showing them the money...

Two poor kids from the neighborhood noticed a woman who would hang around on the street waiting for men to happen by in their cars. A man would stop and roll down the window, the woman would go over to talk briefly, the man would offer the woman a $20, she'd get into his car and they'd drive off.

After awhile, the woman would be back at her corner, and the process would repeat. Over and over, men would visit the woman, pay her $20 and they'd drive off.

These two boys thought it over and decided the woman must have had something good that could be purchased with money. So, they pooled their resources.

The woman felt a tug on the hem of her coat. She looked around, and then down at two anxiously grinning little boys, one of whom proffered $0.87 in the palm of his up-stretched hand.

Slapping the coins out of the kid's hand, she snatched them both by the hair and, after banging their heads together, tossed them flying down the sidewalk.

The first kid sat up, and holding his aching head exclaimed to his friend, "Man! I don't think I could take twenty dollars' worth of THAT!"

 

[the fisherman]

Smart Old Lady

Sally was driving home from one of her busniess trips in N.Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent of thanks the woman got into the car. Resuming the trip, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw. Studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally. "What's in the bag"? asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the bag, and said "It's a bottle of wine, I got it for my husband". The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two, then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said "good trade"