I need to hear a good new joke






wife texts her husband on a cold winter morning: Windows frozen, won't open

Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap the edges with a hammer"


Wife texts back 10 minutes later:
"Computer really messed up now."​
 
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, are with him.

He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to
record his last wishes.

When all is ready he begins to speak. "My son, Bernie, I want you to
take the Ocean Reef houses."

"My daughter Sybil, you take the apartments between mile markers 100 and
Tavernier."

"My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon
Government Center."

"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the
bay side on Blackwater Sound."


The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his
extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says:

"Mrs. Penderbody, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to
have accumulated all this property.

The wife replies, "The old fart has a paper route"...
 
ski3pin said:
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, are with him.

He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to
record his last wishes.

When all is ready he begins to speak. "My son, Bernie, I want you to
take the Ocean Reef houses."

"My daughter Sybil, you take the apartments between mile markers 100 and
Tavernier."

"My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon
Government Center."

"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the
bay side on Blackwater Sound."


The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his
extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says:

"Mrs. Penderbody, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to
have accumulated all this property.

The wife replies, "The old fart has a paper route"...
Click to expand...
Hmmm... Those are Florida Keys place names. Ocean Reef Drive in Key Largo to Marathon Government Center is about 70 miles and an hour-and-a-half drive one-way (and that's if you don't have papers to deliver) according to my Google-ator. And the bay side of Blackwater Sound isn't along the route.

The old fart may not have been rich but he wasn't lazy! :)

.
 
A father was driving his son to school when he inadvertently made an illegal turn at a traffic light. Realizing his mistake, he said: "Oops, I just made an illegal turn."
"It's okay, Dad," said his son. "The police car behind us did the same thing."
 
Ah, so now we know the area origin of the joke! :)

Old Crow said:
Hmmm... Those are Florida Keys place names. Ocean Reef Drive in Key Largo to Marathon Government Center is about 70 miles and an hour-and-a-half drive one-way (and that's if you don't have papers to deliver) according to my Google-ator. And the bay side of Blackwater Sound isn't along the route.

The old fart may not have been rich but he wasn't lazy! :)

.
Click to expand...
 
[SIZE=14pt]Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.[/SIZE]
 
When you start asking yourself "could you repeat that?" its time to start getting concerned.
 
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