I need to hear a good new joke

[ski3pin]

Have you ever thought that if your memory keeps getting worse, you could plan your own surprise party?

 

[ski3pin]

Nothing embarrases psychics more than throwing them a surprise party.

 

[Vic Harder]

Nothing embarrases psychics more than throwing them a surprise party.

Man, that was snorting out loud funny... thanks !!!

 

[ski3pin]

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

 

[ntsqd]

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"

The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" replied the teacher. "Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

 

[Alley-Kat]

Has this one been done before?

It is one of my favorites.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.

"In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive.

In some languages though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.

However," he pointed out, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

 

[ski3pin]

good one!

 

[Tuff Guy 62]

Did you hear about the physic conference that was cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances?

 

[ntsqd]

Did you hear about the physic conference that was cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances?

Probably was a surprise party.

 

[ski3pin]

Rudolph The Red Knows.
But, honey, what is it Rudolph The Red Knows?
Rudolph the Red Knows Rain, Dear.

 

[Casa Escarlata Robles Too]

Had a very shinny nose.
Frank

 

[DavidGraves]

I was born n raised on a Virginia farm.

Here is a question for those more world wise than I.

Is Red Green the Canadian equivalent of redneck ?

DG

 

[ski3pin]

No. Green Red is an all around good guy, far broader than redneck.

 

[pvstoy]

Dog Pack kills Gator In Florida --

At times nature can be cruel, but there is also a raw beauty, and even a certain justice manifested within that cruelty.

The alligator, one of the oldest and ultimate predators, normally considered the "apex predator" in its natural eco-system, can still fall victim to implemented 'team work' strategy, made possible due to the tight knit social structure and "survival of the fittest pack mentality", bred into the canines over the last several hundreds of years by natural selection.

See the next post for remarkable photograph courtesy of Nature Magazine.......................

 

[pvstoy]

Note that the Alpha dog has a muzzle hold on the gator preventing it from breathing while the remainder of the pack prevents the beast from rolling.

 

[Smokecreek1]

I bet you sharpen their teeth with a file too ! That was a great one-thanks

Smoke

 

[Casa Escarlata Robles Too]

I was born n raised on a Virginia farm.

Here is a question for those more world wise than I.

Is Red Green the Canadian equivalent of redneck ?

DG

Didn't know about "Red Green". Hadn't heard that phrase before.
So checking out the "Tool Kit" thread a few minutes ago there it was.
What a hoot.
Yes "duct" tape fixes all.
Frank

 

[buckland]

Red Green is a wonderful Canadian series .... " If the the girls don't find ya handsome at least they'll find you handy"... real guy humor.

 

[ntsqd]

The show where Red Green cut the rear off of a front drive car, and then drove it around was epic!

 

[Manfred65]

Like in Germany, the Red and Green Parties cut of engine and wheels and then they ask why the car won´t move.....

Looking for asylum in the USA. LOL!