craig333
Riley's Human
Warn me before posting stuff like that. What if my dog had been in the room?
I need to hear a good new joke
- Thread starter ski3pin
- Start date
PaulT
Need gumbo
Maybe the Basset was stepping up?
Paul
Paul
OP
OP
It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub. It's a 20 minute walk from the pub to my house. The difference is staggering.
That is absolutely a classic! Couldn’t even write a formula for that! Gotta be imaginary numbers!
Division by zero?buckland said:
OP
OP
For full disclosure, it was our friend Ted who passed this joke on to me. Thanks Ted!
ski3pin said:
buckland said:
Wandering Sagebrush said:
OP
OP
People are usually shocked when they find out I'm not a very good electrician.
OP
OP
Ouch
Boy they were way ahead of the times.
Like Dick Tracy wrist watch/radio.
Frank
Like Dick Tracy wrist watch/radio.
Frank
They don't like the Flintstones in Dubai.
But Abu Dhabi do.
But Abu Dhabi do.
Groan! I love it!Ted said:
Double GROAN. Love it though. Good one Ted.Wandering Sagebrush said:
Frank
OP
OP
For chemists, alcohol is not a problem. It's a solution.
OP
OP
I'm not sure if we get wiser as we get older or we just run out of stupid things to do.
We can never run out of stupid things to do.
We are humans lots of stupid stuff around.
Remember if you don't do stupid stuff when you
are young you won't have anything to talk about when you are old.
Frank
We are humans lots of stupid stuff around.
Remember if you don't do stupid stuff when you
are young you won't have anything to talk about when you are old.
Frank
OP
OP
Casa Escarlata Robles Too said:
• Still trying to get my head around the fact that ‘Take Out’ can mean food, dating, or murder.
• If only vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
• When I lost the fingers on my right hand in a freak accident, I asked the doctor if I would still be able to write with it. He said, “Probably, but I wouldn’t count on it.”
• I woke up this morning determined to drink less, eat right, and exercise. But that was four hours ago when I was younger and full of hope.
• Anyone who says their wedding was the best day of their life has clearly never had two candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine.
• The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have begun asking humans to prove they aren’t a robot.
• It’s weird being the same age as old people.
• Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say CLOSE ENOUGH.
• Last night the internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.
• If Adam and Eve were Cajuns, they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple and saved us all a lot of trouble.
• We celebrated last night with a couple of adult beverages …… Metamucil and Ensure.
• You know you are getting old when friends with benefits means having someone who can drive at night.
• Weight loss goal: To be able to clip my toenails and breathe at the same time.
• So now cocaine is legal in Oregon, but straws aren’t. That must be frustrating.
• Some of my friends exercise every day. Meanwhile, I am watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.
• For those of you who don’t want Alexa or Siri listening in on your conversation, they are making a male version….it doesn’t listen to anything.
• Someone said, “Nothing rhymes with orange.” I said, “No, it doesn’t.”
• There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
• I have many hidden talents. I just wish I could remember where I hid them.
• My idea of a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself.
• Apparently exercise helps you with decision-making. It’s true. I went for a run this morning and decided I’m never going again.
• If only vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
• When I lost the fingers on my right hand in a freak accident, I asked the doctor if I would still be able to write with it. He said, “Probably, but I wouldn’t count on it.”
• I woke up this morning determined to drink less, eat right, and exercise. But that was four hours ago when I was younger and full of hope.
• Anyone who says their wedding was the best day of their life has clearly never had two candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine.
• The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have begun asking humans to prove they aren’t a robot.
• It’s weird being the same age as old people.
• Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say CLOSE ENOUGH.
• Last night the internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.
• If Adam and Eve were Cajuns, they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple and saved us all a lot of trouble.
• We celebrated last night with a couple of adult beverages …… Metamucil and Ensure.
• You know you are getting old when friends with benefits means having someone who can drive at night.
• Weight loss goal: To be able to clip my toenails and breathe at the same time.
• So now cocaine is legal in Oregon, but straws aren’t. That must be frustrating.
• Some of my friends exercise every day. Meanwhile, I am watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.
• For those of you who don’t want Alexa or Siri listening in on your conversation, they are making a male version….it doesn’t listen to anything.
• Someone said, “Nothing rhymes with orange.” I said, “No, it doesn’t.”
• There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will find this funny.
• I have many hidden talents. I just wish I could remember where I hid them.
• My idea of a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself.
• Apparently exercise helps you with decision-making. It’s true. I went for a run this morning and decided I’m never going again.
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