I need to hear a good new joke

Eight Words with two Meanings
Eight Words with two Meanings





1. THINGY (thing-ee) n..

Female..Any part under a car's hood.

Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.



2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.

Female.. Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.

Male...... Playing football without a cup.



3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n .

Female.. The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.

Male...... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys..



4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.

Female... A desire to get married and raise a family.

Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.



5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.

Female.. A good movie, concert, play or book.

Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.



6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.

Female... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.

Male....... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.



7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.

Female...The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.

Male...... Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.



8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.

Female.. A device for changing from one TV channel to another.

Male...... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.







Bonus Section:



He said: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.

She said: You wear pants don't you?



He said: Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

She said: That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!



He said: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?

She said: Turn sideways and look in the mirror!



He said: Why are married women heavier than single women?

She said: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
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hahaha Thank you for the laughs!
 
Someone posted this on our lab window at work:

1theory.jpg
 
Along the same line as collard greens, my wife and I stopped at Lamberts (where they throw the rolls)

We each got white beans which came with a side. My wife ordered ham, and I ordered jowl meat. “Ooohh, that sounds disgusting” she said. I told her when I was growing up we did our own butchering- “it’s just uncured bacon”

Our food came, she said I want to try a piece. Then she started taking more and more and more - I slapped her hand. “Ooohh, that sounds disgusting you said—eat your damn ham” ??
 
Deleted right after I discovered that another member had written the same joke two pages ago.

Hope the next one makes up for my faux pas.
 
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Three guys are playing golf, Moses, Jesus and a really really old guy.

Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It’s heading right for the water hazard. Moses faces the lake and places the palms of his hands together. He then spreads his hands apart. As he does, the water of the lake parts. The ball bounces off the bottom of the lake and lands on the green, about 10’ from the cup.

Jesus says, “Nice shot Moses.”

Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It’s headed for the same water hazard. ‘Bloop,’ the ball lands in the lake, but it floats on the surface. Jesus walks out onto the water, chips the ball onto the green and it’s about 5’ from the cup.

Moses says, “Nice shot Jesus.”

The really, really old guy steps up to the tee and hits the ball. ‘Bloop’ it goes into the lake and sinks to the bottom. A moment later a big fish grabs the ball in his mouth and brings it to the surface, just as an eagle, who happened to be flying by, swoops down, and grabs the ball in his talon. He flies over the green and drops the ball about 50’ from the cup. Out of nowhere, a gust of wind appears and hits the ball, blowing it towards the cup. It’s rolling, rolling, rolling, and it stops about 2” from the cup. A squirrel runs out of the woods and bumps the ball into the cup for a hole‒in‒one!

Jesus says, “Nice shot Dad.”
 

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