Puns For Educated Minds:
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but I loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: "You stay here; I'll go on a head."
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass."
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off a bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "Dam!"
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. And then, there was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. "No pun in ten did."
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before...
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death...
A hangover is the wrath of grapes...
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?..
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired...
What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway.)…
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off...
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion...
If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed...
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds...
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered...
You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it...
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat...
He had a photographic memory that was never developed...
Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall...
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis...
Acupuncture is a jab well done...
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat...
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
