pvstoy
Senior Member
Strong voices in the back ground (my Gal is saying NO! NO! NO! ) Thanks Vic for the clip........
EM4 said:
I need to hear a good new joke
- Thread starter ski3pin
- Start date
OP
OP
I heard it takes five sheep to make a sweater. I didn't know they could knit.
OP
OP
My boss told me to "have a good day" so I went home.
CougarCouple
Senior Member
Good one Ski.
Russ
Russ
Food for thought.
Mashed potatos are Irish guacamole.
Yum
Frank
Mashed potatos are Irish guacamole.
Yum
Frank
OP
OP
Casa Escarlata Robles Too said:
Being a passport carrying Irishman meself I do believe that would be a fair statement.
Frank, that’s pretty bland guacamole, but I like it as well.
OP
OP
The latest from the small Wisconsin town I am from -
[SIZE=18pt]George Phillips[/SIZE] [SIZE=18pt], an elderly man from[/SIZE] [SIZE=18pt]Richland Center, Wisconsin, was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]When George opened the back door to go turn off the light, he saw that there were two guys in the shed stealing things.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]He said "No, but two guys are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me."[/SIZE]
[SIZE=22pt]T[/SIZE][SIZE=18pt]hen the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy, you should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available"[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]George said, "Okay." He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them both." Then he hung up.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]Within five minutes, six police cars, a SWAT team, a helicopter, two fire trucks, a paramedic and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]One of the policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]George Phillips[/SIZE] [SIZE=18pt], an elderly man from[/SIZE] [SIZE=18pt]Richland Center, Wisconsin, was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]When George opened the back door to go turn off the light, he saw that there were two guys in the shed stealing things.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]He said "No, but two guys are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me."[/SIZE]
[SIZE=22pt]T[/SIZE][SIZE=18pt]hen the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy, you should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available"[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]George said, "Okay." He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them both." Then he hung up.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]Within five minutes, six police cars, a SWAT team, a helicopter, two fire trucks, a paramedic and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]One of the policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"[/SIZE]
[SIZE=18pt]George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"[/SIZE]
Tuff Guy 62
Senior Member
The perfect crime was committed last night when thieves broke into the police department and stole all the toilets.
The department spokesperson stated the "they have absolutely nothing to go on".
The department spokesperson stated the "they have absolutely nothing to go on".
Great way to get fast response.ski3pin said:
Frank
Good one.Tuff Guy 62 said:The perfect crime was committed last night when thieves broke into the police department and stole all the toilets.
The department spokesperson stated the "they have absolutely nothing to go on".
Frank
Did you hear Julie Andrews will no longer endorse cheap lipstick?
It crumbles easily and makes her breath smell.
She explained,
" The super color fragile lipstick gives me halitosis"
Frank
It crumbles easily and makes her breath smell.
She explained,
" The super color fragile lipstick gives me halitosis"
Frank
ntsqd
Custom User Title
^^^ groan! awesome! groan! awesome!
Ted this is for you.
Got a chuckle out of it.
Have a great day,my friend
Frank
Got a chuckle out of it.
Have a great day,my friend
Frank
Hah! Thanks Frank. And no, my pen name is not Stephan Pastis.
Tuff Guy 62
Senior Member
A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy. The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else’s job for a day.”
The professor says “I’ll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?” so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids’ screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.
The C.E.O says “I’ll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This’ll be a breeze” so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.
[SIZE=10pt]The janitor says “I’ll be an artist” so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever. The janitor says “I got a masters degree in[/SIZE] art.”
The professor says “I’ll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?” so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids’ screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.
The C.E.O says “I’ll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This’ll be a breeze” so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.
[SIZE=10pt]The janitor says “I’ll be an artist” so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever. The janitor says “I got a masters degree in[/SIZE] art.”
