Stalking Light
Feral Grandpa
Oh myski3pin said:
I need to hear a good new joke
- Thread starter ski3pin
- Start date
Stalking Light
Feral Grandpa
Yesterday I told my wife she needed to embrace her mistakes...
She cried and hugged me
She cried and hugged me
[SIZE=16pt]A little three year old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up. The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a book. But about every 15 seconds or so, he puts the book down, grips onto the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of his head with his right hand.
His mother says: "Billy, are you all right? You've been in here for a while."
Billy says: "I'm fine, mommy. I just haven't gone potty' yet."
Mother says: "Ok, you can stay here a few more minutes, but, Billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?"[/SIZE]
[SIZE=16pt]Billy says: "works for ketchup."[/SIZE]
His mother says: "Billy, are you all right? You've been in here for a while."
Billy says: "I'm fine, mommy. I just haven't gone potty' yet."
Mother says: "Ok, you can stay here a few more minutes, but, Billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?"[/SIZE]
[SIZE=16pt]Billy says: "works for ketchup."[/SIZE]
The Haircut...
A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son. "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we'll talk about the car."
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided, he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."
The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."
His dad replied, "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"
A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son. "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we'll talk about the car."
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided, he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."
The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."
His dad replied, "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"
These great questions and answers are from the days when Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted....
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'? A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'? A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
Camouflaged truck for sale $1,800 OBO
Seen on best of Craigslist...
Seen on best of Craigslist...
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Why the Allies won World War Two
Squatch
Senior Member
That's great!
BobM
Senior Member
- Joined
- Nov 2, 2011
- Messages
- 730
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Today in school my teacher asked what my favorite animal was and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny but I don't think she was right because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. He told me not to do it again.
I told my dad what happened and he said my teacher could be a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do too, especially chicken.
Next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous military person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." My principal said I'd be moved to a different class.
She said I wasn't funny but I don't think she was right because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. He told me not to do it again.
I told my dad what happened and he said my teacher could be a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do too, especially chicken.
Next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous military person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." My principal said I'd be moved to a different class.
Mr. 3Pin, I love it!
I went to a bookstore the other day and asked the clerk, "Where's the self-help section?".
She said, "If I told you, it would defeat the purpose.".
She said, "If I told you, it would defeat the purpose.".
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The officer asked me to step out of my car.
"You're staggering!" he said.
"You're pretty good looking yourself," I replied.
"You're staggering!" he said.
"You're pretty good looking yourself," I replied.
Tuff Guy 62
Senior Member
On a rural road a state trooper pulled a farmer over and said: "Sir do you realize that your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"
To which the farmer relied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"
To which the farmer relied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"
Tuff Guy 62
Senior Member
Why was the the all banjo quartet named 999 megabytes?
Because they haven't gotten a gig yet.
Because they haven't gotten a gig yet.
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Drunk people run stop signs.
High people wait for them to turn green.
High people wait for them to turn green.
N'kwala
Geezelle
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What insight! I hope I remember it after I leave this room...................
+1ski3pin said:
