I need to hear a good new joke

When a quantum chemist was pulled over for speeding and was asked if he knew how fast he had been going he answered "no, but I know where I am now".


Charlie

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A photographer went to a dinner party where he showed many of his photographs. The hostess said " those are very nice pictures, you must have a great camera." He said nothing, but when leaving for home offered the following compliment to the lady of the house. "The meal was very nice, you must have a great set of pots & pans." :)
 
ski3pin said:
Tuff Guy, you get a gold star for that one! :)

Casa Escarlata Robles Too said:
Thank guys. As you know photography is developing as a hobby :unsure:

So here's another........

Two photographers are walking down the street when they pass a poor old indigent man looking for handouts to by some food. One of the photographers asks the other;

"What did you give him".

The other replies;

"250th of a second at f5.6".
 
Taking the Universe Seriously

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip.

After dinner and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute.

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets."
Sherlock Holmes, Watson, funny, stars, camping

"Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo."

"Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three."

"Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant."

"Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."

"What does it tell you, Holmes?"


Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you dunce! Someone has stolen our tent!"
 
A ranger I knew once told me if you don't ever answer them there is nothing they can do. Don't pop ur head out until alone!


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A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Scottish cop. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education than any Scottish cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Scottish cop's expense!

Scottish cop says, "License and registration, please."

London Lawyer says, "What for?"

Scottish cop says, "Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Scottish cop says, "Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. License and registration, please"

London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Scottish cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!"

London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

Scottish cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Scottish cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living daylights out of the lawyer and says, "Daeye want me to stop or just slow down?
 
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