What do you call a bear with antlers?
Beer
Beer
I need to hear a good new joke
- Thread starter ski3pin
- Start date
Instant water is even easier...JaSAn said:
just add water and stir.
camelracer
Contributors
I'd be a backpacker if I could just find a decent freeze dried IPA.
OP
OP
I've always wondered who it was that saw beans that were fried only once and said, "This is not enough."
smlobx
Lost again
A little long but an interesting pondering of life in America.....
Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America.....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America.....do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America .....do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America.....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of the material that a 'black box' is made of?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America.....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America.....do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America .....do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America.....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of the material that a 'black box' is made of?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Very interesting bits of info.
Frank
Frank
smlobx
Lost again
Here’s another interesting story..
This is a story of self control and marksmanship. A woman survived a GRIZZLY bear attack with ONE well placed shot from her itsy bitsy .25 caliber Beretta Jetfire.
These are her own words:
”While out hiking in Missoula, Montana with my boyfriend, we were surprised when a huge grizzly bear came charging at us out of nowhere. She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire I would not be here today!
I yanked it out of my purse and fired one shot. It hit my boyfriend in his kneecap and the bear caught him easily. While the grizzly mauled the poor cripple, I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. I love that pistol. I'll find other boyfriends”.
Not at all what you expected?
This is a story of self control and marksmanship. A woman survived a GRIZZLY bear attack with ONE well placed shot from her itsy bitsy .25 caliber Beretta Jetfire.
These are her own words:
”While out hiking in Missoula, Montana with my boyfriend, we were surprised when a huge grizzly bear came charging at us out of nowhere. She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire I would not be here today!
I yanked it out of my purse and fired one shot. It hit my boyfriend in his kneecap and the bear caught him easily. While the grizzly mauled the poor cripple, I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. I love that pistol. I'll find other boyfriends”.
Not at all what you expected?
OP
OP
"What came first, you or the egg?"
"Why did you cross the road?"
"How is it that everything tastes like you?"
"I want answers!"
The detective grilled the chicken.
"Why did you cross the road?"
"How is it that everything tastes like you?"
"I want answers!"
The detective grilled the chicken.
pvstoy
Senior Member
What will arrive first?
I prefer grilling with charcoal.ski3pin said:
ntsqd
Custom User Title
Must not be Prime or we'd know by now.JaSAn said:
I saw my doctor yesterday, he said "I'd like to talk to you about your weight."
I said, "it was about 35 minutes, but your new chairs are comfortable!"
I said, "it was about 35 minutes, but your new chairs are comfortable!"
PaulT
Need gumbo
An apathetic owl doesn't give a hoot.
Sorry,
Paul
Sorry,
Paul
craig333
Riley's Human
groan
PaulT said:
It appears Paul’s joke achieved groaner status. Well done!craig333 said:
Animal groaners are unbearable.
OP
OP
An Announcement - I'm checking myself into the Hokey Pokey Clinic. It's a place to turn yourself around.
OP
OP
Little Johnny and Little Susie were at work one day. Susie decided she wanted the day off. Susie told Johnny she had a plan on how to get off from work. Watch this. Susie jumped up and locked her legs around a pipe in the ceiling. As her boss walked by and saw Susie dangling upside down, he stopped and asked her what she was doing. Susie told he boss “I’m a light bulb”. The boss told her to get down, go home, and get some rest.
As little Susie was leaving the office the boss noticed little Johnny was right behind her. “Where are you going Little Johnny?” Johnny said “Surely you don’t expect me to work in the dark!”
As little Susie was leaving the office the boss noticed little Johnny was right behind her. “Where are you going Little Johnny?” Johnny said “Surely you don’t expect me to work in the dark!”
