OP
OP
The difference between booze and weed? Five drunk people will start a fight. Five stoned people will start a band.
I need to hear a good new joke
- Thread starter ski3pin
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DesertDave
Senior Member
OP
OP
I like that one!
Cats finally find a purpose!
Great idea for cats to be useful.
Frank
Frank
Oh so true....
”Marriage is a relationship where one person is always right and the other person is the husband.”
”Marriage is a relationship where one person is always right and the other person is the husband.”
One night a wife found her husband standing over their new- born baby's crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, scepticism. Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband.
"A penny for your thoughts," she whispered.
"It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $49.95."
"A penny for your thoughts," she whispered.
"It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $49.95."
OP
OP
Yup!cwdtmmrs said:
Oh fatherhood.
Frank
Frank
Another fatherhood story:
A new father and his best friend Mike were left babysitting while their wives went shopping for the day. About 11:00 the friend says to the the father, "Hey Joe, I think its time to change the baby's diaper". "Not yet", Joe replies and continues with what he is doing. About 1;00 Mike again petitions Joe to change the baby's diaper and again Joe seems unconcerned as he replies, "I think we are still OK." Finally about 3;00 Mike can't take it much longer and says, "Joe, the kid is really starting to reek and the girls are going to be home soon. You better change his diaper now!"
Joe walks over and picks up the diaper box and says, "Mike, the package says Good for up to 20 lbs!"
A new father and his best friend Mike were left babysitting while their wives went shopping for the day. About 11:00 the friend says to the the father, "Hey Joe, I think its time to change the baby's diaper". "Not yet", Joe replies and continues with what he is doing. About 1;00 Mike again petitions Joe to change the baby's diaper and again Joe seems unconcerned as he replies, "I think we are still OK." Finally about 3;00 Mike can't take it much longer and says, "Joe, the kid is really starting to reek and the girls are going to be home soon. You better change his diaper now!"
Joe walks over and picks up the diaper box and says, "Mike, the package says Good for up to 20 lbs!"
Who’s the fish on the reef with the big shiny teeth, that’s a moray.
OP
OP
Mildred, the church gossip and self appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Many members did not approve of her extracurricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake when she accused Frank, a new member of the church, of being an alcoholic after seeing his old pickup parked one afternoon in front of the only bar in town. She emphatically explained to Frank - and many others - that anyone who saw it there knew what he was doing.
Frank, a man of few words, stared at Mildred for a moment and then just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing. Later that evening he quietly parked his old pickup in front of Mildred's house and walked home. He left it there all night.
She made a mistake when she accused Frank, a new member of the church, of being an alcoholic after seeing his old pickup parked one afternoon in front of the only bar in town. She emphatically explained to Frank - and many others - that anyone who saw it there knew what he was doing.
Frank, a man of few words, stared at Mildred for a moment and then just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing. Later that evening he quietly parked his old pickup in front of Mildred's house and walked home. He left it there all night.
A disclaimer it's a different Frank.
I don't go to that church.
Frank
I don't go to that church.
Frank
OP
OP
Yes, Frank in the above story is a fictional character. I'm sure that Mildred is real, somewhere.Casa Escarlata Robles Too said:
Great to hear that.I thought maybe I was sleep driving/drinking.
Frank
Frank
One of the kids went to a workshop on public speaking after school today. The teacher talked about how each speech should begin
1. Clearly and politely
2. Quickly give your name (and qualifications, if necessary)
3. Make a relevant connection to the audience
4. Tell them what you'd like to accomplish during your time
Then she gave them an example of someone who was able to do all this quickly and well:
Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
1. Clearly and politely
2. Quickly give your name (and qualifications, if necessary)
3. Make a relevant connection to the audience
4. Tell them what you'd like to accomplish during your time
Then she gave them an example of someone who was able to do all this quickly and well:
Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
