I need to hear a good new joke

Teachers?
Right up there with nurses and those who care for animals in my book.

None will EVER make much money, but without good ones, society would be the worse without them.

When I am President, no civic employee can make MORE than a teacher does!
 
When I am king all folks will make the same! Even the king! I taught 13 year olds in public schools for 29 years .... I actually loved it and people thought me crazy.... I,t was the most exhausting job ever and I have been a ship breaker a bagel baker and many more .... teaching means you are ON... the whole time. On TV teachers sit in the “lounge” ...... never had one of those.... sure wish we did with a wet bar! The younger the child the harder the job and the pay seems to be directly opposite that... the most important years are the wee ones..... so many society woes could be cured there with a gentle hand.
 
A certain private Catholic school was recently faced with a unique problem.

A number of twelve year old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine provided it was of a natural or neutral skin tone, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night the maintenance man would remove them; and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal, Sister Mary, decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls into the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian, who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, Sister Mary asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
 





Who thinks this stuff up?

• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

• How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist

• They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Typo.

• I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

• Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

• I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop
any time.

• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned
on me.

• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd
never met herbivore.

• When chemists die, they barium.

• I'm reading a book about antigravity. I just can't put it down.

• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

• Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

• I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

• Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because
she couldn't control her pupils?

• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

• Broken pencils are pointless.

• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A
thesaurus.

• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

• I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

• Velcro: what a rip off!

• Don’t worry about old age; it doesn't last.​
 
I told the bank manager I wanted to open a joint account. He asked who with? I said the customer with the most money.
 
Unfortunately I caused a bit of a scene yesterday at Home Depot. While using the self check out I asked for my employee discount.
 
ski3pin said:
Unfortunately I caused a bit of a scene yesterday at Home Depot. While using the self check out I asked for my employee discount.
That’s funny, but humor aside, that’s why I never use self checkout at any store.
 

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