craig333
Riley's Human
The turkeys mounted a counterattack!. Oh man I never missed an episode.
I need to hear a good new joke
- Thread starter ski3pin
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leadsled9
Contributors
After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Jim woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realized he had made it home safely.
OP
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[SIZE=10pt]On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son, Dad, I know babies come from mommys' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place? [/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust, You don't have to make up something, Dad. Its okay if you dont know the answer. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust, You don't have to make up something, Dad. Its okay if you dont know the answer. [/SIZE]
Actually turkeys do fly in short bursts,like quail.But not after being dropped from a chopper.Smokecreek1 said:
Have a great turkey day and also Hanukkah.Make sure you do Hanukkah right as it won't fall on T day for another 77,000 years.
Frank
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[SIZE=10pt]His wife's graveside service was just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little, old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Well, she's there." [/SIZE]
Thanks Frank. We have turkeys around our place and I have seen them fly up to the roof of the house, over the fence, etc. I was wondering if this was referring to only white farmed turkeys or what.Casa Escarlata Robles Too said:
Took me a minute but once my slow brain got this I laughed.
Ted don't know about the white farmed ones,maybe not.But the wild ones do fly and more that you would think from such a large bird.Ted said:
Here they go from ground right up to the roof or into trees.
Such fun birds to watch.
Frank
chnlisle
Post Master
I was passing by the bar on the way home I saw my neighbor Tom gulping down one shot after another.
I ran into the bar fearing the worst
“Tom what’s going on?” I asked.
“It’s my wife Beckie, she ran off with my best friend!”
“Hey wait a second! I asked “Aren’t I your best friend?”
“Not any more,”
I ran into the bar fearing the worst
“Tom what’s going on?” I asked.
“It’s my wife Beckie, she ran off with my best friend!”
“Hey wait a second! I asked “Aren’t I your best friend?”
“Not any more,”
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This one reminds me of the old rural tale about the farmer who, after a night in town, missed the house and went in the barn by mistake and curled up next to the brood sow. He rolled over and said, "Martha, we've been sleeping together for going on forty years and I don't ever remember the double row of buttons on your night gown."leadsled9 said:
chnlisle
Post Master
Here's one of my favorites but I'll just give the punch line;
"Do you really think I wished for a nine inch pianist?"
"Do you really think I wished for a nine inch pianist?"
Not a joke, but funny (at least to me)...
Penciled over the only flush urinal in our hanger in Vietnam... 1968-69
"Don't look now, but you've got Nixon by the neck."
Penciled over the only flush urinal in our hanger in Vietnam... 1968-69
"Don't look now, but you've got Nixon by the neck."
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I saw that over the urinal in the Church Key, a downtown bar near the University in Madison, Wisconsin.Wandering Sagebrush said:
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The Thinking Man...................................
[SIZE=10pt]What deep thinkers men are... I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing and I said 'nothing'. The reason I said that instead of saying 'just thinking' is because she would have said 'about what'. At that point I would have to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics which would lead to other questions.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child." On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts." I rest my case.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]What deep thinkers men are... I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing and I said 'nothing'. The reason I said that instead of saying 'just thinking' is because she would have said 'about what'. At that point I would have to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics which would lead to other questions.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=10pt]Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child." On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts." I rest my case.[/SIZE]
That sounds about right.ski3pin said:
Frank
chnlisle
Post Master
I know its just a tiny bit early but like "As God as my witness I thought turkeys could fly" This one still cracks me up even after 15 years.
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Mr. Pencil, I like your little trips down Memory Lane. Thanks!
That was great. I had forgotten that skit.
Thanks Frank
Thanks Frank
the fisherman
Big Time
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2007
- Messages
- 955
Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and nothing was going right. The elves were complaining about not getting paid overtime. The reindeer had been drinking all afternoon and the sleigh was broken. Santa was furious. ‘I can’t believe it!’ he yells. ‘I’ve got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours – all of my reindeer are drunk, the elves are on strike and I don’t even have a Christmas tree! I sent that stupid little angel to find one hours ago! What am I going to do?’ Just then, the little angel opens the front door and steps in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree. ‘Oi fatty!’ she says. ‘Where d’you want me to stick this?’ And thus the tradition of angels atop the Christmas trees came to pass.
SunMan
King Taco
Whoa. The Fisherman lives.
