Groan! I love these crappy jokes!
I need to hear a good new joke
- Thread starter ski3pin
- Start date
CougarCouple
Senior Member
Thank you all. Definitely need that this evening. On a side note I have to go!
Russ
Russ
Tuff Guy 62
Senior Member
But when they do finish the paperwork, I'm sure it will be the biggest vowel movement ever!
And now for something completely different:
C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar. The bartender shows them the door and says "sorry we don't serve minors".
And now for something completely different:
C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar. The bartender shows them the door and says "sorry we don't serve minors".
OP
OP
I am glad you all enjoyed this one so much. Someday I'll have to tell you the story about a memorable xmas eve in beautiful downtown Mineral Point, Wisconsin many years ago. A true story. It involves a public employee's attempt to free up a frozen sewer line with a half stick of dynamite down the toilet. Did I mention everything so clean and white outside with the new fallen snow?
ski3pin said:
Wandering Sagebrush said:
buckland said:
PaulT said:
buckland said:
Wandering Sagebrush said:
CougarCouple said:
cwdtmmrs said:
Tuff Guy 62 said:
OP
OP
...................................it blew a series of man hole covers down the center of Main Street with erupting mini geysers to the astonishment of the crowd of shoppers, carolers, children, town dignitaries. It was the new young postmaster. "It always worked back on the farm," he said.
billharr
Senior Member
A man gets stopped by a game warden with his basket full of fish.
Warden: do you have a permit for all these fish?
Man: no sir. These are all my pet fish.
Warden: your pet fish? How's that?
Man: Well, every night I take all my pet fish for a walk to the lake, I let them swim for about half hour and then I whistle and they all come back and jump in my basket and we go home. We do this every night.
Warden: Well that's just a crock of lies!!
Man: here I'll show you... (Releases the fish in the lake)
Warden: well this I got to see!!
5 minutes later...
Warden: well??
Man: what?
Warden: the fish!! Where's your pet fish??
Man: what fish??
Warden: do you have a permit for all these fish?
Man: no sir. These are all my pet fish.
Warden: your pet fish? How's that?
Man: Well, every night I take all my pet fish for a walk to the lake, I let them swim for about half hour and then I whistle and they all come back and jump in my basket and we go home. We do this every night.
Warden: Well that's just a crock of lies!!
Man: here I'll show you... (Releases the fish in the lake)
Warden: well this I got to see!!
5 minutes later...
Warden: well??
Man: what?
Warden: the fish!! Where's your pet fish??
Man: what fish??
Manfred65
Senior Member
Love it! 
))
))trikebubble
Senior Member
- Joined
- May 25, 2017
- Messages
- 273
So we are in the off-leash dog park in Whitehorse 3 weeks ago, taking a break from the road and playing with the dogs. One of our two mutts is a Catahoula Leapord Dog and occasionally gets mistaken for Dalmatian (I don't know how, but it happens). Anyways, a group of locals are sitting about finishing off a flat of beers when one guy notices our fake-Dalmatian and comes staggering over and introduces himself.
He says he has noticed our Dalmatian and has a quick story for us. Goes like this:
He says he's in theater years ago watching 101 Dalmatians, when the fellow behind him sits up and remarks "Man, their are a lot of Dalmatians in this movie....must be at least 70 of them".
Then he chuckled at his story, said goodbye, and returned to his mates to work on finishing their morning flat of beer.
He says he has noticed our Dalmatian and has a quick story for us. Goes like this:
He says he's in theater years ago watching 101 Dalmatians, when the fellow behind him sits up and remarks "Man, their are a lot of Dalmatians in this movie....must be at least 70 of them".
Then he chuckled at his story, said goodbye, and returned to his mates to work on finishing their morning flat of beer.
OP
OP
".................at least 70 of them."
OP
OP
I've decided to live my life as if each day was my last because I figure one day I'll be right.
Good reason for a bigger camper?
Alley-Kat
Elder Statesman
A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing.
Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:
Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about.
Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride.
She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator.
Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style.
She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn't suit you.
Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore.
Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, "Is there anything else that your wife doesn't use anymore?"
And so, here we are!
Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words:
Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about.
Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride.
She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator.
Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because they were out of style.
She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn't suit you.
Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore.
Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, "Is there anything else that your wife doesn't use anymore?"
And so, here we are!
OP
OP
I'm starting meetings at my house for people who have OCD. I don't have it, I'm just hoping they'll take one look and start cleaning.
Actually...no joke, this kinda happened to me, at my house, in real life. It was great! When the hyper/OCD person left, my house and yard looked better than they had in years!ski3pin said:
OP
OP
Then it will work! Thanks Mr. BC.MarkBC said:Actually...no joke, this kinda happened to me, at my house, in real life. It was great! When the hyper/OCD person left, my house and yard looked better than they had in years!
A 60, 70, and 80 year old man are having breakfast together when the 60 year man blurts out, "Getting old sure isn't for sissies. it is always something. Now I can't pee. I'm up 3 or 4 times a night thinking that I have to go, only to squeeze out few drops. It's very frustrating." The 70 year old man replies, "That's nothing, I can't poop. 3 or 4 days may go by and then I take a bunch of laxatives and softeners only to get relief for a day and then the cycle starts all over again. It's maddening." The 80 year old man rebukes them both and says, "You guys just wait. Every morning at 6:30 I pee like I did when I was a teenager. Right after that I have the best bowel movements that I can remember." "What's so bad about that?",the other two asked. The 80 year old replied, "I don't get up until 8:00!"
Georgeoc
New Member
What do you call a hippies' wife?
A Mississippi.
A Mississippi.
I saw a strip club across the street from a mini golf place and I'm pretty up on things but that's too much for me. What if you're just trying to have a nice afternoon with your family and your kids have to look across the street and have to see a bunch of losers playing mini golf?
Uh oh 
